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One day at a time ...

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Forgive the longwinded way I have of writing, I do ramble quite a bit, and like to write whatever comes to mind.  I feel like I'm unraveling lately, and have to find a way to catch myself, this place has been a help, just because it gives me motivation and hope, to read other peoples journeys and how they got back on the wagon. 

That's how I see life right now ... one day at a time.  I had been doing really well after my surgery, last April.  Had both knees replaced, and lost 20 lbs in the process, living extremely grain and sugar free.  It was amazing how inflammation and pain where reduced, once I was living very "clean".  Oh, no alcohol either, I only drink wine, occasionally gluten free beer, but even the small amounts seem to bother me greatly right now. 

Because the small amounts can get out of hand, easily  when stress and fatigue come into play.  That's what has been happening for a while now, and two weeks ago, I sort of "let go", something I hadn't done in a long time.  Letting carbs and grains and more alcohol sneak in, and do their toxic deed. 

Work has become toxic to me also, and some family issues have also been heavily on my mind.  I'm sandwiched between my mother and my daughter.  Mom,  who will be 84 this year, and while still living on her own, is getting very fragile and scared to live alone.  I have always known that one day this would happen, but she's been so independent all her life, in spite of an obvious borderline bi-polar issue.  But she was very functional, living in her condo, with access to everything she needed, by foot.  She doesn't drive, but had 3 friends in her little complex, who drove and kept her busy with social engagements and friendship.   Everything else she could get to by walking, which is so healthy.  In the past year, 2 of her friends passed away, and the third is very ill, and it's depressing her so much.  My sister lives close to her, and she sees her almost daily, takes her shopping, to the bank, the doctor etc.  but recently, my Mom has been begging me to move in with me, and of course I had to tell her that will not be possible, unless I quit work.  I do have a nice room for her, with her own bathroom etc, and we talked about this in the past, but it's not as easy now that it's staring me in the face.  There is nothing in walking distance to my house, except for the lake, and she would be bored, and not really safe here, with all the stairs - it's a 4 story townhouse, I do have a small personal elevator, but she is scared to use it alone.

Then my daughter, she is wonderful and accomplished, and has the almost 11 month little son - my precious grandson - who is a very active little boy, curious, bright and doesn't sleep much, so she is worn out from taking care of him, and I can tell she is dealing with some depression, mostly from lack of sleep.   I step in often to baby sit, and love it, but have to admit, it also wears me out.  Because I have to go to work the next day.  She's a stay at home Mom, but they just moved into a big new house, and got the old house ready for sale, it was just listed, and I know things will slow down now.  She told me last week, she feels like she's drowning .  :-[

Just to say, the last few weeks have been a bit too much, even for me.  I'm pretty strong, but have noticed that I don't take care of myself very well, when others need me this much   And then work, to top it off, things have gotten very stressful - we saw this coming, but nobody did anything about it, and now we are in the middle of big mess with customers, production folks working 24/7 and most of salaried folks expected to be there on the weekend, to say everyone is in bad mood is putting it nicely.

So here I am, wanting to take some time off, to move my Mom in with me, and see how it goes.  I went to the doctor with her last week, and got a letter from him, requesting this, so I can take it to HR and request the FMLA.  But I haven't had the heart to tell my boss, because every day brings new conflict and needed action, everything has to be handled in the moment, and I know he needs me there to keep things organized.

Big sigh ..

I caught myself last week though, I had to, it was getting very painful.  My knees and hips started hurting, my feet and ankles very swollen, breathing difficult going up stairs etc. So I put an abrupt end to it all, and have dropped most of the water weight I had accumulated.  Not sure if the bacon had anything to do with it, it might have just been another drop in the bucket, but I as I mentioned elsewhere it's not something I should be eating.

What helps me immediately is to eat nothing but protein and fat, so I got some nice fatty rib eyes and that's pretty much all I eat.  Along with greens and some very low carb veggies, with Kerrygold butter.  I also ate some butter as a snack, and it all did the trick, along with drinking lots of water and herbal tea, I make a pitcher and keep it in the fridge to drink cold.  These little things are such a help, I need to go shopping at Costco today, for eggs and cream etc. to have the good stuff on hand, and prep my food for next week.

Another thing I have been working on is a retirement party for a coworker, it's been fun, but also a bit of a worry, because we are doing it up big, in a German restaurant, and we know what that means.  Too much food and drink.  I might not go, it's been in the back of my mind, too much temptation at this fragile time.

I hope with the help and support of this group, I can keep myself going in the right direction, now more than ever, I need to take care of myself.  Esp. with the supplements, that's an easy one to skip when you're busy running in all directions, and I need the reminders and confirmation to do the right thing.

Thanks for all and any advice or helpful hints in dealing with all this stuff.  I know it will get better, my dream right now would be to rent a house at the beach for a month and pack up my Mom and just stay there, letting my daughter and sister and their families come visit, but rest of the time, just hanging and taking care of her and getting some sunshine and fresh Ocean air, cooking very healthy and giving us both a chance to relax.

Barbara from New Jersey:

You are in a tough spot.  There is no easy answer.  However, I would suggest you read the work of Carolyn Dean M.D. who wrote The Magnesium Miracle and many other books.  Just google her name.  She is quite well respected and writes many columns.  She talks about magnesium and how we are all not absorbing enough from the pills we supplement and how our soil is too depleted to obtain this and other minerals from our foods.  Magnesium is involved with 600+ chemical processes in your body, too many for this blog format.
She has developed her own brand, liquid and picometer sized so it is easily absorbable by everyone. and which will provide your body with all the magnesium and minerals it has been craving.  Your Mother and your Daughter could benefit too.

Not only will your stamina increase, but your mood will improve, clearer thinking and focusing increases, you sleep better and so forth.  Certainly worth researching.  Dr. Dean developed this because she wasn't absorbing the pills she was taking until she got the size down to picometer and this was easily absorbed.  The drops are simple to use and no gagging on a lot of pills!  Much better absorbed than even ionic liquid formulations.

This generational sandwich is difficult.  Been there!  I just wish I had known about these drops years ago.   


--- Quote from: BarbinNC on June 22, 2014, 07:02:42 AM --- I know it will get better, my dream right now would be to rent a house at the beach for a month and pack up my Mom and just stay there, letting my daughter and sister and their families come visit, but rest of the time, just hanging and taking care of her and getting some sunshine and fresh Ocean air, cooking very healthy and giving us both a chance to relax.

--- End quote ---

I have the same dream for taking care of my mother right now, though she's only 64 instead of 84.  But she's had some serious health trials and has lost her independence and is very depressed.  While at the same time my sister, in her late thirties, has been trying unsuccessfully to conceive for several years and it is taking a toll on her.  My father is just plain unhealthy, with all of the medications and illnesses that come with a lifetime of SAD.  And my boyfriend has lost both his father and his stepfather in the past few weeks, and like my father takes very poor care of himself, including smoking (but thankfully not drinking, which is my vice of choice...).  Family is stressful, no doubt!

It sounds to me like you're handling a very stressful situation as well as humanly possible.  You recognize now how much harder it is to deal with when you're not taking care of yourself, despite the fact that it is so easy to give in to temptation and convenience when you're going through so much.  Just pick your poison, so to speak, and be conscious of everything you put into your body.  Own your choices, don't be owned by them.  And always remember that this too shall pass. 

Lynda (Fl):
Wow, BarbinNC, you have a tremendous load to handle.  Just be sure to pamper yourself as much as possible.

Back from shopping, got all my goodies. 

Barbara - thanks for reinforcing the magnesium and what a fabulous idea to get them in liquid form!!  One of the many idiosyncrasies of my Mom is the fact that she will not take medication or supplements.  She's actually pretty healthy for her age, aside from her mental issues.  Very paranoid and can be very mean, then forgets about it, typical for bipolar.  So the drops would be great to give to her without her knowledge, esp. if they calm her down and assuage her many fears.  And do away with the imagined side effects.  GREAT info and thanks so much.  Just ordered them and found an online book by Carolyn Dean, have it in pdf and will read asap.

HiT - I've been reading your posts, and you do have your hands full with family also, so you can empathize with my situation.  I can retire early, which is lucky, and we are all comfortable financially, so it's not a hardship.  I can always go back to work part time down the road if I choose to.  Would love to find something fun to do, be around fun people who enjoy what they are doing, not just in it for the money.

And thanks Lynda, it has been quite a year, and once I struggle through and make some decisions, I will be much better.  I love having the possibility of taking a leave, instead of quitting my job altogether, and we are going to keep my Mom's condo, until I'm sure we can work it out. She is not easy to be around 24/7 - that's for sure.  My sister is much more laid back and tolerant than I am, I get upset in the moment, and have stricter boundaries which my Mom knows, so she does behave better around me.

Oh well, I have to get some food prepared, and might go visit my daughter later on, she is cleaning today, and seems to be feeling much better.  What a difference a good night's sleep makes!!


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